


Sabotage Internal

by slushieSkank



Category: OFF (Game)
Genre: Gen, POV Second Person, mildly headcanon indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:18:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slushieSkank/pseuds/slushieSkank
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had to be this way. You knew that from the beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sabotage Internal

**Author's Note:**

> Oneshot set to the song “Sabotage Internal” by The Spill Canvas.  
> http://grooveshark.com/#!/s/Sabotage+Internal/4Eswpk?src=5

It had to be this way. You knew that from the beginning. It _had_ to be this way. You were his Player, and he was your Batter, and that was the way it had to be. You were both locked into these roles from the start.

_Talk to me like there was no suffering  
_

At first, you thought everything you two were doing was the right thing to do. No, you knew. You knew it was the right thing to do. There hadn't been anything before this, but you'd known right from the beginning, ever since the two of you first saw each other, that you were doing the right thing. You were protecting the innocent, keeping the Elsens safe from their tormentors. You were convinced you were alleviating their pain, not exacerbating it.

_Like I didn’t tumble deeper, just to lose another keeper  
_

It was easy to believe that he was another enemy, that the Tall Mister was just as responsible for the suffering of the citizens as the spectres themselves. Maybe he was. All you knew about him at that point were the objective facts. He was crude, angry, nasty. He was antagonistic. Perhaps not inherently, but there it was. He had to be stopped, his abuse had to be cut down. It had to be that way. You hadn't realized what would happen. But ignorance won't excuse your actions, not with how irrevocable they are.

_Like I was who I used to be_

A few short hours and yet a thousand lifetimes passed since the two of you had begun your quest. You'd believed in your Batter, just as much as he believed in You. Yes, You. Not you, but You. The idea of you, the ideal he held you to in his mind, just as you'd believed in Him. Neither of you knew the other, not really. Despite your connection, despite the ephemeral strings trailing from the ends of your fingertips connecting the two of you. Despite the fact that through that connection, the two of you read each other like open books, had no secrets, shared the identical thoughts almost all of the time. Despite all of this, you hardly knew each other at all.  
  
 _Oh, bear with me. I had to try everything_ _  
_ _Jekyll infiltrate my Hyde. I demanded, he supplied_ _  
_ _Thus began my own cozy quarantine_

Even from the start, your curiosity, your burning thirst to learn drove you forward. You had to find out everything you could about this world. You were only supplied with the most basic information you needed to function. It was so easy to fall into a pattern, a trap. Every command issued, he executed, timing flawless, a strength which left you in perpetual awe. And the fact that the two of you connected mentally simply made slipping into phlegmatic contentment all the easier. Perhaps he was the true Manipulator in your relationship, the carrot in front of your mule. A mobius double-reacharound, wherein he used you to get what he wanted, because he knew you needed him in ways that he would never need you. Or perhaps this is useless conjecture, you projecting your own guilt onto him, because you can't bear to face up to what you've wrought.

 _I don’t want to stay scared, living in a daymare_ _  
__Burn off this mirage_

You hesitate. He waits.  
  
 _I lost my friends. I stole too much love from them._ _  
_ _I return it all in time. After all it wasn’t mine._ _  
_ _My evil glitch won’t let me switch from pretend_

Your understanding expanded the further you progressed, another puzzle to solve, a picture, gridded up, up close and ultra focused on one piece, then slowly zoomed out, expanding until, finally, you see the full image. You don't like what you see. You betrayed them, all of them. Everything they fought for, everything they built, day by day, brick by boring brick, the blood, the sweat, the tears. All orchestrated from the mind of a single boy, terrified and ill. He created them, but they created everything else. Perhaps they would have liked you, you think, perhaps you could have lived happily amongst them. Perhaps there had been room for compromise, perhaps you could have even saved them. It's too late for perhapses, however. You cannot take it back, you cannot change sides now.

_I don’t want to stay scared, living in a daymare_  
 _Burn off this mirage_  
 _I don’t want to stay scared, living in a daymare_  
 _Burn off this mirage, in my internal sabotage, oh_

' _You've been wrong since the beginning._ '

 _I don’t want to stay scared, living in a daymare_ _  
__Burn off this mirage_

You betrayed him. You betrayed all of them. There is nothing left to do.

 _I don’t want to stay scared, living in a daymare_ _  
__Burn off this mirage_

Words and regrets rush through your mind as you sink to your knees, staring at the floor, eyes wide but unseeing as your gaze falls upon his limp form. The blood runs, a painful clash against the stark white of the room. You reach out, touch it. It's still warm. It's so real, too real. The light in the room comes from everywhere, yet nowhere. No shadows are cast. There are no sounds, not the sound of air moving, not your own breathing, not even the ringing of your blood against the inside of your head. You are hyperaware of your surroundings, yet there is nothing to be aware of. The delusion has been shattered completely now.

 _I don’t want to stay scared, living in a daymare_ _  
_ _Burn off this mirage, in my internal sabotage_  

Pablo. Dear, sweet Pablo. He rests on the floor, crumpled and pathetic, like a cast off coat. He will suffer no longer. The tears fall freely now. The odds had been against you from the very start.

_I don’t want to stay scared, living in a daymare_  
 _Burn off this mirage_

Far above you, your Batter towers, waiting, his patience eternal. You are his Player, and he trusts you. Your judgment is everything to him. The Judge had offered you a choice, a chance to do the right thing. You knew it was what you should have done, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. You knew it would not even remotely make up for everything you caused, the destruction, the ruin. You couldn't repair it. You couldn't reverse it. You realized that there was nothing left for you but to complete your mission. If nothing else, you could at least say that you stuck to your guns, that you weren't a deserter. He is your Batter. A hand reaches down, sensing your need before you yourself were even aware of it. You accept the help, pull yourself up, meet his gaze. You feel content. You know that he will be by your side, forever. He will never leave you, and you will never leave him. Even when the end comes, and you wipe it all out permanently, he will remain with you, right up through the point where your collective consciousnesses cease to exist. The Add-Ons hover, silent witnesses to the heinous crimes you orchestrated, he perpetrated. You embrace him from the side, and the two of you turn as one, hands clasped. There will be nothing after, but you are unafraid.

_I don’t want to stay scared, living in a daymare  
Burn off this mirage in my internal sabotage, oh_

The switch is now on OFF.


End file.
